In 10th Grade...
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called “best friend”. I stared at her long, silky hair; wanting to run my hands through those locks and wished she was mine. But she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it.
After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before, shy hands fleetingly touched as I handed her the notebooks. She said “thanks” and shook hand with me.
I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, that I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.
In 11th Grade...
The phone rang. On the other end, was my beloved, in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over not wanting to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine.
After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. As she looked at me, saying “thanks” giving me that heart wrenching sweet smile, I want to tell her, I want her to know that I didn't want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.
In 12th Grade...
The day before farewell she walked upto me. “My boyfriend is sick” she said; he’s not going to go. For me, well I didn’t have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as “best friends”.
So we did!
After a perfect evening, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step! I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I wanted her to be mine, but she isn’t think of me like that, and I knew it.
Then she said “I had the best time, thanks!” and gave me that sweet smile of hers. Oh, but I want to tell her, I wanted her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.
On Graduation Day...
A day passed, and then a week, then a month turned to years. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect form floated like an angel up on stage to get her felicitation. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it.
Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, “You’re my best friend, thanks”. I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know that I didn’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.
A Few Years Later...
Now I stand in the lawn gazing... That girl is getting married. I watched her, as she shyly went through the religious ceremonies and drove off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn`t see me like that, and I knew it.
But before she drove away, she came to me and said “you came!” She said “thanks” and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I didn’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.
Funeral...
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my “best friend”. At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years.
This is what it read:
"I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn’t notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love him but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me!"
I wish I did too… I thought to myself, and I cried.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Sharing a bit at a time...
"I don't understand these moods that you're getting into."
"They're my moods, okay! You want to understand moods, have one of your own!"
"They're my moods, okay! You want to understand moods, have one of your own!"
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Random Rantings...
If you are confident, they will say you are arrogant.
If you are deliberate, they will say you are too sure of yourself.
If you have a sense of purpose, they will say you are self-absorbed.
If you know who you are, they will ask, “Who are you, anyway?”
If you believe in kindness and compassion, they will say you are naïve.
If you are a dreamer, they will say “join the real world.”
If you are a rebel, they will try to shut you down.
The instructions include:
rein it in
slow it down
wait it out
pull it back
take your time
play it safe
But you will know:
They are envious because they want what you have.
They are afraid of change even as they crave it.
They are projecting their own regret into resentment of you.
It’s not all bad news: some of them will sort themselves out and end up joining you. Because you are a good person and have had plenty of false starts of your own, you’ll understand and welcome them warmly. We’ve missed you! you’ll say. It’s about time you made it.
As for the others, well, you will remember what Gandhi said:
“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”
If you are deliberate, they will say you are too sure of yourself.
If you have a sense of purpose, they will say you are self-absorbed.
If you know who you are, they will ask, “Who are you, anyway?”
If you believe in kindness and compassion, they will say you are naïve.
If you are a dreamer, they will say “join the real world.”
If you are a rebel, they will try to shut you down.
The instructions include:
rein it in
slow it down
wait it out
pull it back
take your time
play it safe
But you will know:
They are envious because they want what you have.
They are afraid of change even as they crave it.
They are projecting their own regret into resentment of you.
It’s not all bad news: some of them will sort themselves out and end up joining you. Because you are a good person and have had plenty of false starts of your own, you’ll understand and welcome them warmly. We’ve missed you! you’ll say. It’s about time you made it.
As for the others, well, you will remember what Gandhi said:
“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
...
Not an original composition.. not one bit.. so wanted this to get straightened out before I am accused of plagiarism..
Hanging on
Here until Im gone
Right where I belong
Just hanging on
Even though
I watched you come and go
How was I to know
Youd still show
One day ill have enough to get more
Ill wait to hear your final call
Hanging on
Hanging on
Here until Im gone
Right where I belong
Just hanging on
Even though
Passed the time alone
Soon were so unknown
It heals the soul
Youll ask if the walls are building higher
Well light the shadows of them all
Id stand but theyre much too usefull
And I fall
February stars!
Floating in the dark!
Temporary stars!
February stars!
Hanging on
Here until Im gone
Right where I belong
Just hanging on
Even though
I watched you come and go
How was I to know
Youd still show
One day ill have enough to get more
Ill wait to hear your final call
Hanging on
Hanging on
Here until Im gone
Right where I belong
Just hanging on
Even though
Passed the time alone
Soon were so unknown
It heals the soul
Youll ask if the walls are building higher
Well light the shadows of them all
Id stand but theyre much too usefull
And I fall
February stars!
Floating in the dark!
Temporary stars!
February stars!
Friday, November 12, 2010
A Story Left Incomplete or Advaita Finally Achieved?
It is strangely overwhelming how people suddenly come into your life and create a life long impact. I have come to realize, the time spend with the person has nothing to do with the attachment binding the people together.
Today has been a sad day for a fraternity and personally for me as well. Nandu Narsimhan, a colleague, a respected senior, a mentor and a friend decided to leave us all behind. In the past few months Nandu was often talking about going to a better place, I guess his wish really was heard. The man who introduced me to the concept of Advaita and made me want to live the philosophy finally achieved what he aspired for.
I do want to write so much more over here, but then the thoughts are so muddled over your sudden and unexpected departure that my usually lucid brain seems to be befuddled with chaotic thoughts.
Nandu Sir, you will be sorely missed time and again. I hope your soul is in that better place we all want to eventually go to. I also pray for your family and believe that God will give them strength to move forward and soar to the heights you wanted them to go to.
Today has been a sad day for a fraternity and personally for me as well. Nandu Narsimhan, a colleague, a respected senior, a mentor and a friend decided to leave us all behind. In the past few months Nandu was often talking about going to a better place, I guess his wish really was heard. The man who introduced me to the concept of Advaita and made me want to live the philosophy finally achieved what he aspired for.
I do want to write so much more over here, but then the thoughts are so muddled over your sudden and unexpected departure that my usually lucid brain seems to be befuddled with chaotic thoughts.
Nandu Sir, you will be sorely missed time and again. I hope your soul is in that better place we all want to eventually go to. I also pray for your family and believe that God will give them strength to move forward and soar to the heights you wanted them to go to.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
My stab at being a copywriter...
Today when we talk of India, we no longer discuss the future of India. We say the future is India.
India is surging ahead and showing the way to rest of the world.
India, the youngest nation led by a majority of passionate citizens.
India, a global nation, filled with second highest number of English speaking people.
India, a land of opportunities coupled with entrepreneurial spirit enabling majority of its people to be self employed.
India, a land of the erstwhile Dollar Dreams is now employing an ever increasing number of expats.
India, the land of outsourcing, coming to a full circle by creating employment offshore.
India, the land of bullock carts and potholes now has amongst the largest numbers of Billionaires.
India, the land of snake charmers and swamis has now emerged as a thought leader in technology.
India, the land which transcended poverty and urban culture to emerge as a sporting nation
So I am here to not tell you what you already must have read or heard insurmountable times…
The time for India is now and no one knows this better than us…
India is unstoppable and the land of infinite opportunities.
India is surging ahead and showing the way to rest of the world.
India, the youngest nation led by a majority of passionate citizens.
India, a global nation, filled with second highest number of English speaking people.
India, a land of opportunities coupled with entrepreneurial spirit enabling majority of its people to be self employed.
India, a land of the erstwhile Dollar Dreams is now employing an ever increasing number of expats.
India, the land of outsourcing, coming to a full circle by creating employment offshore.
India, the land of bullock carts and potholes now has amongst the largest numbers of Billionaires.
India, the land of snake charmers and swamis has now emerged as a thought leader in technology.
India, the land which transcended poverty and urban culture to emerge as a sporting nation
So I am here to not tell you what you already must have read or heard insurmountable times…
The time for India is now and no one knows this better than us…
India is unstoppable and the land of infinite opportunities.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Oh what a Monday...
Manic Monday, the song sung out doesn't even come close to the incredibly and utterly horrible start to the day I had.
Well, the day began at an unholy hour when the alarm chimed its enthusiastic self at 0415 hours, yes, you got that right, at 4bloody’o clock in the morning; a groaning self woke up wondering WTF is wrong with the world to make you get up so early. Little did I suspect that this in fact is the high point of the day!
So trying to ignore the buzz through my head, I get ready, not wanting to keep the cab driver waiting. HAH! The alleged waiting would happen only if he would have arrived in the first place!! Apparently the competency required to book even a simple cab is amiss amongst the chosen few for the job! At 5, feeling a bit jittery I called up the cab agency only to find out that the cab is scheduled to arrive on time, except that the time is 4.45 in the evening, not morning! Yes, this is what I call as a wtfmonday! After frantic calls to numerous cab companies, being greeted in an incomprehensible morning mumble, my desperate pleas were heard by a saviour. So a cab booked, although a bit late made me feel a bit comfortable, slightly elated about the small personal victory I had just achieved.
After an uneventful ride to the airport, I arrived upon a sea of people; it felt like a mass exodus, like the time of partition, with people racing against all odds to reach across to safety. Standing in the check in line, with hurried glances to my watch every few seconds made me reach the counter, greeted by a hassled and embarrassed ground staff. “Sorry sir, the flight is full, you are late!” Say whaaat? Lady, its 50 mins to the flight take off, are you for real? Typical nuisance of capitalism, over booking and making a profit! So there I was stunned, zapped and such being told to wait. Thus ensued a conversation ranging from threatening notes to pleading for help. After a battle of wits, thankfully I was transferred to another flight which was due to take off 10 mins later. “Score!” Is what went through the back of my mind.
Rushing to the security check, I was greeted by what can be referred to as a “Langar!”; a free meal that is given in Hindu temples and Gurudwaras, where one and all queue up for a free meal. It actually seemed like the airlines had distributed free air tickets and everyone decided this was the time they wanted to travel. After standing in the queue of about 1973 people, the CRPF (a note to the unwary, they are the security personnel guarding all airports in India) personnel decided that their shift had ended, without caring about the relieving officer to come and replace them. “Yes, my workers union rocks, I can simply leave when my work is done, who the hell are you to judge me!” The grumbles quite soon reached a crescendo and pretty soon the harassed and grumpy guards had to come again. “Yes, there is a God!”
Clearing the security check, I donned the avatar of Usain Bolt, quite literally bolting to board my flight. Fortunately I had fellow passengers, suffering the same woes as myself. Boarding the flight, which a slight sheen of sweat, which was more to do with the mind than the physical exertion I started searching for my seat. Finally, some respite and an easy breathe.” No, my son, not so soon”, was what fate was telling me. At the farthest corner of the plane, I got middle seats, the chair was the one which did not recline and to boot it up, I was seated between two blobs of mass whose flesh was spilling from all sides. This was to be one hell of a journey.
On the bright side, having such a harrowing start to the day, the regular fuck ups that happen every day seem not even glance worthy. So far so good (or bad!), I am now just waiting to end the day with a glass of rum and some nice retro music. (Please hear me God!)
Well, the day began at an unholy hour when the alarm chimed its enthusiastic self at 0415 hours, yes, you got that right, at 4bloody’o clock in the morning; a groaning self woke up wondering WTF is wrong with the world to make you get up so early. Little did I suspect that this in fact is the high point of the day!
So trying to ignore the buzz through my head, I get ready, not wanting to keep the cab driver waiting. HAH! The alleged waiting would happen only if he would have arrived in the first place!! Apparently the competency required to book even a simple cab is amiss amongst the chosen few for the job! At 5, feeling a bit jittery I called up the cab agency only to find out that the cab is scheduled to arrive on time, except that the time is 4.45 in the evening, not morning! Yes, this is what I call as a wtfmonday! After frantic calls to numerous cab companies, being greeted in an incomprehensible morning mumble, my desperate pleas were heard by a saviour. So a cab booked, although a bit late made me feel a bit comfortable, slightly elated about the small personal victory I had just achieved.
After an uneventful ride to the airport, I arrived upon a sea of people; it felt like a mass exodus, like the time of partition, with people racing against all odds to reach across to safety. Standing in the check in line, with hurried glances to my watch every few seconds made me reach the counter, greeted by a hassled and embarrassed ground staff. “Sorry sir, the flight is full, you are late!” Say whaaat? Lady, its 50 mins to the flight take off, are you for real? Typical nuisance of capitalism, over booking and making a profit! So there I was stunned, zapped and such being told to wait. Thus ensued a conversation ranging from threatening notes to pleading for help. After a battle of wits, thankfully I was transferred to another flight which was due to take off 10 mins later. “Score!” Is what went through the back of my mind.
Rushing to the security check, I was greeted by what can be referred to as a “Langar!”; a free meal that is given in Hindu temples and Gurudwaras, where one and all queue up for a free meal. It actually seemed like the airlines had distributed free air tickets and everyone decided this was the time they wanted to travel. After standing in the queue of about 1973 people, the CRPF (a note to the unwary, they are the security personnel guarding all airports in India) personnel decided that their shift had ended, without caring about the relieving officer to come and replace them. “Yes, my workers union rocks, I can simply leave when my work is done, who the hell are you to judge me!” The grumbles quite soon reached a crescendo and pretty soon the harassed and grumpy guards had to come again. “Yes, there is a God!”
Clearing the security check, I donned the avatar of Usain Bolt, quite literally bolting to board my flight. Fortunately I had fellow passengers, suffering the same woes as myself. Boarding the flight, which a slight sheen of sweat, which was more to do with the mind than the physical exertion I started searching for my seat. Finally, some respite and an easy breathe.” No, my son, not so soon”, was what fate was telling me. At the farthest corner of the plane, I got middle seats, the chair was the one which did not recline and to boot it up, I was seated between two blobs of mass whose flesh was spilling from all sides. This was to be one hell of a journey.
On the bright side, having such a harrowing start to the day, the regular fuck ups that happen every day seem not even glance worthy. So far so good (or bad!), I am now just waiting to end the day with a glass of rum and some nice retro music. (Please hear me God!)
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