Some lost news...

While at work, there are days when I spend constructively spend time online surfing for useless information. During one of these productive sessions I came across this funny article that I thought of sharing..

Iraqi Government Offers To Send U.S. Army National Guard To Help U.S. With Hurricane

(Baghdad, Iraq) Today, in show of unity and solidarity with the people of the United States, the government of Iraq offered to send the United States Army National Guard to Louisiana in order to help with Hurricane Gustav.

“We Iraqis see what’s happening, and we want to help you, the American people, the same way you helped us,” said Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. “So please feel free to you take your own troops to help your country…they’re standing by.”

U.S. President George W. Bush was grateful for the Prime Minister’s offer. “I am touched that he is willing to send our troops over here to help us on our dime….That is what I call true leadership.”

Republican presidential hopeful John McCain agreed with 90% of what Bush said and added that Iraq’s offer meant that the surge has worked. “Listen my friends, we have won the war in Iraq and now thanks to the government of Iraq for lending us our own troops, we will defeat the Al Qaeda of Mother Nature, Gustav.”

McCain added that the nation was lucky the Army National Guard was in Iraq and not Afghanistan like his presidential rival, Barack Obama, would have it. “What a mess that would be. Afghanistan is like, really far away.”

“You bet your ass!” exclaimed Sarah Palin, the freshly scrubbed Republican vice presidential nominee. “My dad…I mean, my future president John McCain is right. Obama is bad. Maliki is good.”

Barack Obama, the Democratic presidential nominee, took a moment to respond while campaigning in Pennsylvania. “Tell me please, how the hell is this election even close? Am I right?”

Perfunctory Hug...

You know I try to maintain an active social life and try to take out as much as time as I can out of my schedule to keep up with my friends... now one gets introduced to new people every now and then.. and this is a time of extreme dilemma for me. I never do know when to shake hands or to hug a person or go in for that extremely irritating kiss that's given on the cheek wherein somehow the lips end up smacking only the air...

You see, I am a person who would rather shake hands with someone whom I just got introduced to, the hugs are left for people whom I like and am close to. And that hug, like in the case of a beer having full body lather, is a big hug that has the grip of a boa constrictor, albeit with a lot of love and no intent of killing and / or swallowing the prey. So here's the trouble, when an acquaintance happens to come across and makes a faint attempt at hugging, my instincts kick in and the vice - like grip kicks in... and most of the times I can actually feel the victim of my affection shirk away (read mostly women!!) which makes me end up feeling like a pervert who was just caught cupping a feel. In my defense, I like to give a hearty hug, if I ever do give one.

This is not all that there is to it, just what in the name of God do you call that feeble attempt when you press cheeks with a perfect stranger, at these so called social dos and peck the air?? Why would anyone do that, if the person means so much so, I would rather kiss the cheeks and if not then just a "Hey.. wassup?" or a handshake or a just a wave of my hand with a "Howdy.." would do. But apparently not.. the complexities of interacting with fellow human beings just tends to make me feeling uneasy quite a few times...

Santa with a new perspective..

Sometimes I wonder if Santa is related to Santa (Bunta’s friend). But what if he is related…the old man in white would anyways visit only once a year.

I somehow like Santa’s idea of visiting all only once a year – keeps them yearning for more. The good thing is, Santa leaves before the presents are opened.

What I don’t understand is his entry through the chimney. Why not the front gate? What about all those houses that don’t have a chimney? Perhaps this is why, as a child I never got presents from the Santa…we used to live in an apartment in the 3rd floor.

Did you know that Santa gifts us so much…but in his life has only had two pair of clothes? His first one was a brown overall…and now it is red. No connection with Coke, though there are some business stories that Coke was instrumental in give Santa the new red-and-white outfit.

New clothes or old…he is quite happy and gay. Perhaps that is why he has special interest in South Africa – the country where same-sex marriages were legalized ten years back. No, just kidding!

Maybe, he is a straight guy who has the addresses of all the bad girls in town …in his address book. With no wife to censure him…he would be having a roll. I have a feeling he keeps thinking of these bad girls….'coz whenever I see him anywhere he goes: Ho! Ho! Ho!

A cousin of mine got a pet as a gift from Santa. Unfortunately…the Santa left it in one of my cousin’s dirty socks…and the pet died before it could be discovered. Now, my 10-year old cousin wants a pet lizard…just like the one Santa brought.

Santa didn’t come to my house. Wonder if I had been a bad boy the whole of last year….or there was some problem back home for Santa. But then…why would a bunch of elfs create problem…when they have to work only one day in a year? Elfs with low (s)elf-esteem!

Caffeine Addiction..

It owns you like smack owns a junkie. You want it. You need it. You suffer thru all the symptoms of withdrawal without it. It's invigorating and eye-opening effect has you hooked. "It's not the coffee, it's the caffeine fool." Well, a Pepsi might be refreshing, but it doesn't cast the same spell as our percolated friend. Plus, it has a multi-functionality as it provides an energy boost, antioxidants (coffee represents one of the largest sources of antioxidants), and, most importantly, an all-business type of regularity to your day.


It is its' routine-forming side effect that gives it a direct correlation between giving a completeness thru subtraction and a satisfying conclusion of what can be a daily process. Truly making it the driver of the mother ship called Necessary Process.

Medium with cream, no sugar please..

Office Bitch..

I have come to a conclusion, coming to the office in a stupendously good mood is the sign of an ill omen, a sign of impending doom if one can put it that way.

Like take today for example, I came to the office in a kick ass mood, the weather was really good but unfortunately everything else turned out to be quite the other way. My normally understanding boss, called me 20 mins after i hit my desk and blasted at me.. i believe the poor guy was stuck in traffic and had to go to a meeting so for the day i was to be his scape goat. Then as the day trudged on, we has about 3 arguments, a sure shot sign of a day not headed the way i thought it would. Work just kept on piling up more and more so, till it became a whirlpool that tried to suck me to the dark side. The comp has been crashing for the past 2 hrs now, and i have a annoyingly small file that otherwise would be completed in 15 mins, but no, since its a conspiracy of cosmic proportions, i have a jack ass of an Art Director (yeah rite!) who just cant seem to get it right! And you know just how bad this day (more like evening now) is... the coffee machine is out of coffee.. well now its 9.45 in the evening, I have been at work for more than 12 hrs, slaving in front of the screen and typing away non stop (no, you boobs, not on my blog, but reports and briefs) and as luck would have it, i still have no idea when i will be done... plus now i am feeling hungry as well......

The Bucketlist...

Before one starts jumping to conclusions, no i am not a 60 year old - just diagnosed with a fatal disease - frustrated - counting his days man... I am talking about the wish list that I am sure each and everyone of has or had at one point of life, but its been shelved in a far recess of the mind, gradually collecting dust till its nothing but fanciful thinking of a wistful mind.

Well I do have a bucket list as well, and I have taken a firm standing on ticking off the check boxes as soon an opportunity presents itself.

So as luck would have it, work's been going good, slowly am settling into a regime of my own and finding out bits of time post work (even if post work means 11 pm!). Hence, my latest endeavor... just brought myself a sweet 6 String Archtop Guitar with an inbuilt pick up (am i showing off already, my limited knowledge??). So now the mission at hand is looking for a good guitar tutor to help me start off and downloading as much info I can off the net to give a boost to the ugly sounds that my unfortunate parents are going to be subject to for the next few months...

Typos..

Chat is my primary means of communication with friends, colleagues, family and annoying cousins, and its something i firmly defend by way of excuses like "Market research, finding out effectiveness of electronic media in communication..". What can i say, I seem to have taken the art of making excuses to a new level..

There are downsides to chatting all day, apart from Carpal-Tunnel Syndrome (for my un-enlightened friends, its when your wrist pains like a bitch cause you have spent too much time chatting with me). I tend to make typos. Some typos are innocuous. But some promote profound misunderstanding of my character, along with drawing a few laughs. I was fortunate enough to save some of the biggest typos I did (so that I can use them on a lazy monday, when i realize that I havent posted a blog for quite some time).

I would like to vindicate myself of some of the unflattering impressions I may have created.

• I may have rooted for a specific body part of yours (go tit), but I just meant to say I got it.

• I may have accidentally made sexist comments about random women, (I like her butt), but it was a simple case of an extra “t”. I meant to say “I like her, but….”

• I may have insulted popular people (He is retarded as an authority), I just have regard for them

• I may have sounded like I was bagging quickies in the middle of the afternoon at work, (back in a sex) but I was just taking a break for a “sec” (without sex, of course)

• I may have spread vile office rumors about my superiors (he has 20 people blow him). I meant to say that guy has 20 people below him.

• Just because the PCI port seems to take anything in it, I might have sounded like I was insulting it (stick it in the PCI slut), but I just meant slot

• I may have asked you to do nasty things to your monitor (Did you tryc licking on the icon). I hope you didn’t try that. Just click on the icon.

• I may have sounded like I was asking for sexual favors (Can you do me). I was not. At least, not in this instance. It was just an eager-enter syndrome. I pressed enter before typing “a favor”