Deoderants Banned...

Deodorants are very important in today’s World. In fact, when the first time capsule was buried 50 feet below the ground, during the World Fair in 1937, a deodorant can was one of the items kept inside. It was expected that after traveling a long way the Aliens would take bath, spray the deo and freshen up before sitting down for a dialogue. Just in case you believed me, I am kidding.

While reading this blog post further….think of me as an 82-year-old journalist writing a news item in the year 2057 A.D.

If you are as old as I am, you probably remember the days when one could use deodorants without the fear of being arrested. Back then, parents would gift deodorants to their sons on their 18th birthdays. Or sisters would take their brothers out for shopping so that they could select a good deo for their boyfriends. Or husbands would walk up to their wives and say: ‘Hey, you smell of onions and garlic. Here use this deo!”

If you don’t remember, let this 82 year old man jog your memory. In 2025 A.D Indian doctors identified eight dangerous compounds in deodorants and recommended that its use be banned. At first the Government didn’t take notice of the scientists’ findings…but when the scientists proved that consistent use of deodorants on white mice resulted in infertility, they sat up and listened.

The Government discussed it in both the Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha, where the ban found 100% support. Some traced it to the fact that our MPs raise a stink because they don’t use deos….and perhaps that’s why they didn’t oppose when the bill on banning of deos.

Some of the deodorant manufacturing companies protested, but when the CEOs were asked to use their own brand of deodorants and prove that it wasn’t harmful…they all backed out. One of them blacked out.

Thus in 2030 A.D. deodorants were banned. Life wasn’t really affected much because people moved to perfumes. But in 2033 A.D. Priyanka Gandhi, the new Prime Minister of the country, banned perfumes too. She said she didn’t like Robert Vadra using it.

Ever since that day, Indians have been living a life without deodorants and perfumes. The outside world didn’t really notice, till Pakistan & Bangladesh complained that its citizens living on its borders were being affected. The stench was so bad that some of the kids born in the border areas were born with deformities.

On April 1, 2050 A.D. Pakistan raised a stink about the issue in United Nation’s Security Council and said that the lives of its citizens were being compromised. At first, the Security Council’s members laughed thinking Pakistan’s concern about the lives of its citizens was an April Fools joke. But when Pakistan’s Foreign Minister Iqbal (some say he got the name because he only had one hair on his head) insisted on the severity of the issue, the Security Council members relented and agreed to speak to India’s fourth Prime Minister from BJP party….Rahul Gandhi.

Many Indian thinkers, in jail for using smuggled deos on their armpits as a mark of protest, wrote to Rahul asking him to revoke the ban. The scientific man that Rahul was, he asked his scientists to check if the ban on deodorants had improved the fertility amongst the Indians and the population growth was back on track.

I remember the scientists’ verdict coming in after a fortnight. It said: “The ban on deo usage has improved the fertility of the Indians…but our population growth rate is still going down.”

Adam and Eve..

Some say that Adam got bored and asked God to give him a companion. Some say, God wanted Adam to sacrifice his one leg and one hand at the altar, if he wanted a companion. And when Adam requested God to give him somebody for whom he will only have to sacrifice a rib, God sent a woman. None of this can be believed.

Here is the truth: God made man and finding himself in good form…came up with a better creation – the woman. (Did I just hear the ladies clap?)

Anyways….I was wondering what would have happened if God didn’t make woman for man. Thus, all men were left to fend for themselves. Scary shit. Think about it….

How will we become fathers? Who will tell us the good news that we are about to become fathers? For whom will we sit outside a gynecologist’s and imagine a conspiracy theory being hatched against us? With whom will we walk in the evenings? Whenever we pass by a bakery, whom will we stop for? For whom will we shop? And the questions go on.

Now for the real Male Chauvinistic Pig part. Who will make tea in the morning and wake us up with a sweet smile? Who will scold us for taking the newspaper inside the washroom? Who will nag us to take bath early? Who will call up the office when we are down with fever? Who will iron our clothes when we are in a hurry? Who will wave at us when we race our bike/car towards the office? Who will be ready with piping hot coffee when we go back home? Who will help us with the washing machine? Who will make that tasty coconut chutney you like with your dosas?

Needless to say, with no woman in this World, life wouldn’t be the same. Imagine living with another man in your house. Scary! We all would be gays…and wonder how the human race will propagate. Perhaps…we would have found out a way to make test tube babies…but even then where would be egg come from? Gorillas? Wouldn’t that make the Human race huge and hairy?

On Saturday nights…the pubs and clubs would be full of men trying to woo each other. The only advantage as I see would be…we wouldn’t have to buy mock-tails, ice-cream and pop-corn to impress!

Change..

Change is inevitable, or so we are led to believe. But no matter sooner or later, whether to liking or not, it does seem to sneak its way through and rearrange all aspects of our life.Change can either happen slowly and steadily giving you ample time to come to terms with how life's leading onto be, or it can come as a raging tornado, unleashing itself in a manner that will leave you wondering at the very least.

Well I am at point in my life when things are moving just so fast that it often makes me dizzy and nauseous forcing me to close my eyes shut and take a deep breath at times. The only think that helps is the fact that everyone seems to be happy with the way things are proceeding, so it must be good; and maybe my over active imagination and the stubbornness to stick to what is comfortable and understood, makes me unable to completely come to terms with the happenings.

I really don't know where I am headed with this particular post, there is no clear direction nor any agenda for posting this. Just sort of an offload... need to get some clarity and perspective...

Late night creative spurts..

Oh my god.. i just noticed how long it's been since I uploaded anything on my blog....

It's Monday, 2330 at night and i am in this friggin office sitting in front of the stupid excel sheet for more than 16 hrs now (talk about a Monday Bloody Monday!)... I thought it was the perfect time to let loose the tightly leashed, grudged and disgruntled worker who people have lately been telling to go get a life other than work.. and that's exactly what I had planned for till I heard this song, while trying to find some solace for this gloomy evening... its called It's Cold Outside by Ray Charles and Nina and its been playing in my ears for the upteenth time back to back.

Wonderous has been the calming effect its had on me, the excel sheet also finished off in a breeze (although, somewhat like a sailboat hoping to catch a wisp of a wind in the doldrums).

Now I do have truck loads of information assimilated in this puny grey thing in my skull, I assume its best if I left for home, tomorrow's another day and judging the way this Monday has been I am guessing the coming days are going to be relentless..